I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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