we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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