I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
