is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
