Ambien. No doubt about it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
