I accidentally burped into my bong.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
