so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
