best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
