I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
