I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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