Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
