i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
