things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
