I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
