he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
