Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
