I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
