He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Randomize
