she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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