I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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