I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sorry about my life...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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