it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
