another moral hangover. fuck.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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