i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
