the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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