They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
