it was like eating out sand paper
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
