K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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