You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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