I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
