I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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