Are we in a gay sports bar?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So squirting runs in the family.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize