it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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