so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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