Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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