"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
BRING THE BAGELS
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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