You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
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To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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