Dual....:-)
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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