Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
