Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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