I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
