My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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