ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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