it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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