I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
