dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
