You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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