then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
