I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
