I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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