Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
