i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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