If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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