Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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