I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
