My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
