6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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