mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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