Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
