What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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