Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
