so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
