Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
