Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just had sex on a roof
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