Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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