Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
