It's like God shit irony all over that family
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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