Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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