I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
