you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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