but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
