she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
