Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
