I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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