i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
